Hyped_Up_TeaCup's Xanga

Change is good.

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 02:36:58 GMT

Goodbye xanga. It's been fun. I'll miss you!

http://hypedupteacup.blogspot.com/

go to it.

memories on film

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:46:37 GMT

1. A picture of you in your room.

This is is actually the best view of my pile of clothes in the background!

2. A picture of you with someone you actually don’t like.

There's only two people in here that I dislike...
otherwise I absolutely love everyone else ♥♥
I don't normally take pictures with people I don't like.

3. A picture of you very drunk.

Not really.

4. A picture of you on your birthday or favorite holiday.

5. The youngest picture of yourself you can find.
This isn't the youngest I could find.
But this is my favorite ♥.

6. A picture of yourself in your favorite outfit

Don't have a real favorite outfit
but I wear this quite often and loveee it.
Terrible picture, though.

7. A picture of you making faces at the camera.

8. A picture of you with a parent.
How 'bout the whole family, instead?

9. A picture of a night that you regret.

I should have had a much better attitude.

10. A picture of you truly being yourself.
gangsta.

11. The most recent picture of you.

12. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

13. A picture of you on top of the world.

not quite, though.

14. A picture of a time of your life that you wish wasn’t over.

Drill Team/JROTC

(with lovely people)

&THOMAS' CLASS

15. A picture of a time of your life that’s over and you’re happy it is.

16. A picture of your favorite thing.
playing with Charlie = one of my favorite things!

17. A picture of a time when you were anything but happy

A couple days before Sergeant left

18. A picture of a time when you were a different person.

LMFAOOOO 2005

19. A picture of someone/people you love.

with JELLYBEAN at homecoming 2008
I look like I'm topless..

&with BUBBLEBUTT at the mall

20. A picture of how you want the world to see you.

21. A picture of how you want to live every day.

22. A picture of a time when everything was changing.

moving forward...

23. A picture that makes your heart hurt.

n/a

24. A picture that makes your heart smile.

ﾎﾟｯ(*ﾟ.ﾟ)♥(ﾟ.ﾟ*)ﾎﾟｯ

25. A picture from one of the best days of your life.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!

I've been having an urge to take more pictures.
I feel like I need to keep record of everything,
no matter how mundane of terrible it is.

And I always think back to the movie Titanic.
In her old age, Rose says she has nothing left of Jack
except a memory... she didn't even have a photograph.
I don't want to rely on just my memory.

Always,
Jess

Heroes & Thieves - Vanessa Carlton

i need to get the fuck out of here.

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 14:34:56 GMT

At work, I am considered the most quiet (what a surprise) and for some reason, no one talks to me but my manager and another kid that I never really worked with before. I really enjoy working with my manager because she and I share a lot of similar interests: the most important being art. She is a year younger than I am and is just trying to decide what college to attend. Her choice is between Mason Gross, the art school at Rutgers and University of Arts in Philadelphia. You can imagine how envious I am of her...

I don't want to seem like a loser (although, I am) but I've made no good friends at school. I don't know why but people would just stare at me when I walk through campus and not say a word. Am I intimidating? Am I hideous? It makes me feel so insecure. I always ask Nick why he thinks people act that way toward me. He says they probably think I'm stuck up or just really depressed and they don't want to deal with someone like that. Thanks.

The one friend that I made last semester, Andrew, hasn't spoken to me since January when spring semester started. We see each other all the time. Literally, every morning I see him on the way to the cafeteria for breakfast. He sneaks glaces at me and turns away when I notice him. On Thursday, I saw him on the train and we basically walked from the train station to campus together without saying a word. Ten minutes of agonizing silence.

Its about time to register for fall classes... but I can't do that yet until I tell my parents about my plans of switching majors and transferring to Mason Gross by spring semester next year. I'm so frightened of their reaction.

And I know people are sick and tired of hearing me talk about this, but I can't help it. College is supposedly the best time of your life. This is the time when its the absolute easiest to make friends. I guess I'm a failure at that, too.

But I need to do my best to find happiness. And happiness is not at Kean... because every time I set foot on campus, all I think is:

It's been three years since I wrote this poem and read it aloud at the JROTC banquet.

Wait please while analog clocks strike thirteen
Look now, see; the hour hand, limp, has dropped
Never will your dim solitude be stopped
Always will your best attempt go unseen
One second, a tender hand shoves you on
For this moment, you were never prepared
This touch of panic cannot be compared
The visions of this masterpiece have gone
This stunning castle crumbles to the ground
Your mirth and naiveté drift away
The simplest of your thoughts will soon decay
Clouds will be trampled; stars will not go round

Just watch the wheels; and let them turn
Just strike the matchbooks; let them burn

Breath- stereotypical agony
You’ll hear tick-tocks and drop of a pin
Red blazing embers will smolder your skin
These ruins are your best-kept tragedy
Gone forever are the plans made prior
But blueprints are etched in the rising dust
Come-come; you should never let new bliss rust
Go rebuild castles markedly higher
Hours pass, doors of a thousand will sway
Lightning will ignite the blacks of your eyes
Speak in poetry- strong- these walls will rise
You’ll glisten in the darkest of your days

Keep seeking; though thunderstorms are black
Keep on seeking,purpose will come back

It's funny that I still don't follow my own good advice.

always,
Jess

P.S. Steal my poem (or any part of it) and I swear to God, you'll be sorry.

3 years.

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 23:06:41 GMT

the good thing about pictures is
that they never change, even if
the people in them do.

hah!

I love you.

even though you couldn't get out of seeing your dad this week
to be with me instead.

The nicest thing someone has said about me...

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:56:41 GMT

...came from a person who wasn't even that close to me.

Date: August 26, 2006

Subject: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

dearest jess,

so this is mad random but my friend and i were talkin bout certain people and stuff. and your name came up. i jus wanted to let you know that i envy you alot. i wish i had your personality and your reputation. plus you're really beautiful outwardly. you just have this delicate kind of grace about you. and this whole world that sparkles inside your eyes that you only seem to show certain people. you actually remind me alot of a pretty flower. and i love watching you. i find you very intriguing, you know. and i'm not exactly how to get closer to that light in your eyes. but i don't even know if i should, out of fear. that inner world seems too fragile for me to touch. i would shatter it. haha. and if i got inside you just wouldn't be the same to me. you're pretty freakin amazing. anyone with that kind of aura about them is incredibly lucky. and even though we're not the closest of close thank you for being my friend (or at least letting me think you are) because it's really an honor. so yea... thanks. that is all. miss you. =)

always,
Sara.°

This is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. Whether she was embellishing or not, it made me so incredibly happy.

And the best part was that I felt the same about her. She was amazingly beautiful and talented. She was terrific at writing and she played the viola like an angel. She was just so sweet and friendly. I secretly wanted to be just like her. Too bad, I can't find the response I sent her. Though it definitely wasn't as well written, it was easy to notice how much I really did admire her and how much I appreciated her very kind words.

Sadly, like everyone else I considered a friend, we drifted apart and we never became close like I wanted. She didn't even write in my year book in June... though that may have been pointless since I already knew what she would have said.

I really miss her.

Always,
Jess

What's the nicest thing someone has said about you? Who was the one to say it?

MARCH 25, 2009

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 03:18:25 GMT

Best day I've had in forevr! (￣▽￣)ノ＿彡☆バンバン！!

I'm totally not exaggerating.

After all the aggravation about asking for permission, making reservation (which didn't matter anyway), Jennifer and I made it to New York to see Utada's appearance st Sephora on 5th avenue ♥.

I went early with my dad to work and I was so frustrated because I had to stay in his cafeteria for hours. I was talking to Jennifer on the phone though so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I tried exploring since I was getting tired of just sitting there. I took the elevator to the 9th floor from the cafeteria on the 3rd. As soon as I got off, there was a lady looking at me from a nearby desk.... I got scared and just went back down to the 3rd floor. Haha.

After lunch, I took the subway to midtown to find Sephora. And like Nick warned, there was already a line around the corner. It really wasn't as bad though. Everyone was staring at me... probably thinking I was Utada in disguise or trying way to hard to look like her. Haha. I waited with Jennifer for about an hour: got some free sample from sephora during the wait. And then we were given yellow wristbands which would grantee us a spot inside the store once it starts as long as we are back in line at 5:30. So, Jennifer and I left to go to the nearby Barnes and Noble so find a Gothic and Lolita Bible. The B&N was 3 stories tall... with escalators...I was in heaven! Afterward, we went down 48th street to find a Karaoke place that Jennifer knew about. This was my first experience in a Karaoke place and I must say I really really enjoyed it. Even though I was stressing about the growing line back on 5th avenue.

She kept ducking asdfghjkl;
but she looks phantom-y!

I totally fail at singing.
(and at looking decent for Utada)

&as Jennifer was trying to find other artists that we knew,
she kept loosing the Utada page. Ugh!

Jennifer wins at singing!
And I got a good shot of her bwahaha.

At the end, we danced to c-ute! I wish I knew all the steps.

Karaoke was awesome. I'm definitely going back there with her again.

We only sang for an hour and then we started to head back to Sephora. The line had gotten SO LONG and I was so mad... but then I realized that the majority of the people didn't have any wristbands... they were moved to a different line (and were told that were is a 99% chance they would not get to go in the store!).

We waited and waited. During that time we realized that a lot of people were carrying posters and gifts for Utada. And I felt really bad! I brought all my CD booklets with me in hopes that she could sign something (though I just wanted Distance to be signed... it's the most important) and I didn't buy/make anything for her to show my appreciation and admiration for her... We thought, perhaps, I could pose as Utada from all her different cds and run somewhere to print them out and use it as a poster. Jennifer thought a far less far fetched idea: drawing her a picture while we were waiting in line. But it was much too late to draw something worthy for Utada...

I think we waited an hour and a half... and it was almost 6:00 the line started moving. Everyone was crowded around the entrance of the store and pointing their cameras towards the street. About a million limos passed as and each time we all went crazy, thinking it was her. Haha. They played her CD over the stereo system and it sounded amazing. Or I was just really in the moment~

While trying to take a picture of "Utada's limo,"
I got a picture of Jennifer trying to take a picture... Dx

Still waiting for Utada to actually arrive.

&when she finally did arrive everyone went 1000x crazier.

Everyone with the wristbands got in first,
and all the employees were cheering and clapping as we got in.
(It felt like graduation hahaha)

The stage setup with awesome backdrop.

Overall, the interview was really nice. Carolina, the radio DJ interviewer (whom I listen to all the time) did a great job. I was totally worried that she would act really fake and everyone would feel uncomfortable, but surprisingly, she wasn't. I'm really happy about that.

During the Q&A from the audience, I got really upset because people kept asking stupid questions like: "Is there anything you can't do?" "Will you marry me?" etc. UGH. I wish I could have had the chance to ask her a meaningful question.

♪♪ "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?" ♪♪

ALL MY PICTURES SUCKED

She wouldn't sit still! x[

She left a lot earlier than everyone thought...and since I couldn't get a picture with her or get anything signed like I hoped, I had Jennifer take a picture of me imitating Utada'a silhouette in her backdrop.... and those group of girls totally stole my idea..

On the way out of the store, though, everyone received an autographed photo of Utada and a makeup bag! So it was still worth it!

Utada's new english album is available on iTunes and Amazon for download and will be in stores on May 12th.
I just finished downloading from iTunes store &will buy it in stores on May 12th anyway Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Always,
"...More than any other of your fans
I would love you for a thousand years.
Yours truly,"

P.S. Favorite song right now:

Apple And Cinnamon - Utada

Correction:

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 13:38:16 GMT

The Secret worked 3/3 of the time ♪

The things I have.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 05:18:03 GMT

When I was a junior in highschool, I was the most depressed I had ever been besides right now. I was always a shy person and for some reason, the few friends that I managed to make would leave me. Whether it was physical or not, whether it was on purpose or not, I was still always disheartened. It was discouraging, as you can imagine. Especially when these people were big influences in my life.

It was two years ago that Sergeant left to teach at a different school. After he left, I was a mess. I cried all the time and had no one to talk to. My guidance counselor suggested therapy... but my parents were too upset to consider it. I don't know why. I thought everything was going to be good after I had that meeting. I was wrong.

I e-mailed Sergeant for about a year after he left... and then he just stopped replying for some reason. I haven't tried to contact him again since then. And now I feel lost.

Junior year was very tough for me, but I managed to get through it. I remember sitting in the JROTC room a few days before the start of summer into my senior year. I sat in my usual seat in the corner, the one closest to Sergeants old offfice. I was the only one in the room and out of no where came an idea. I was going to write down all my goals. I usually make goals for myself for the summer, but this list was not the same. This list of goals are for general goals. I tittled the list HAPPINESS.

I do still have this list with me somewhere, but from what I can remember I included these things:

getting A's in english and art

getting B's in all other subjects

being able to wear the clothes I want (lolita)

getting a job at barnes and noble

learning how to sew

getting freedom

For the most part, this list of goals was made in order to get me happiness in my senior year before my highschool career ended. Well, it has ended. I accomplished only 1 of these things- getting A's in art and english.

Jennifer told me about a movie called "The Secret" which is based off of a novel of the same name. I just finished it and nowiIt's time to make a new list, now that I know what I did wrong.

HAPPINESS

I am studying art

I am enjoying college life at Rutgers

My family accepts and understands me as a person

Nick and Jennifer are always there for me

I have other good friends who truley care for me

I have freedom

I actually remember having a dream, recently, about doing an oral report in front of my communications class. The professor for that class really doesn't like me for some reason, and she was angry that I didn't prepare well enough for my presentation. But for a split second, my professor turned into Sergeant. And he said to me something along the lines of, "This isn't good enough."

I know it's time for me to do something. Like Sergeant said, "this isn't good enough." I need to change my work habits. I need to change my state of mind. I fucking need to change my major. I want to be happy again... like I almost was.

I learned that, in order to attain something, one must truly believe that the object of desire is already in their possession. I tired this for 12 hours and it's worked 2/3 of the time. It will take some getting used to, of course, but it's working.

I have a meeting with my counselor tomorrow. Hoping she'll be helpful this time. Even just a little bit will be fine.

Always, Jess

I fear the loss of my imagination.

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 16:56:38 GMT

Happy first day of spring!
It was snowing earlier this morning but I was still sleeping and missed it.

I went to visit the high school yesterday. Surprisingly, I didn't have to wait forever to get inside. However, I was not given a visitors pass even though I asked for it and was really restricted with where I wandered of to and when I could do the wandering. UGH.

I got up all early and rushed so I could make it there in time to have lunch with Nick... and I couldn't even get in the cafeteria. It was really upsetting. Instead, I sat in the JROTC room 6th period and talked to random people. Eighth period, I was with the Let 4s and fkking Andrew asked me to type up a letter to send to Shop Rite. Asking for food donations for the Army Physical Fitness Test. I couldn't say no... it's just the way I am. And Skittles, Laura and Kuya got mad at me for it. I was mad at myself, too.

But the reason I went to visit the highschool was to see Thomas. I saw him seventh period when Nick had his sculpture class. I walked into the room and didn't say anything, just to see how long it took him to notice I was there. It didn't take long.

We talked about college and how I hate it. He felt really sorry for me that I was going to Kean and that I had to commute... though he laughed when I said I had to take the train since my parents don't let me drive. "Because you're asian and female? Your parents are smart." And he said I was too good for Kean... and that I should just go to Mason Gross. He said studying English was a waste of time... which is totally true. And he said I should have choosen to do art all along especially if I'm just going to be making the same amount of money with teaching. He remembers that I beat Joyce at the end of the year "contest." I told him that I still think he was just saying that. I showed him all of my drawings from my painting class and then he showed me "what he made." Haha his daughter is so cute. "Of course," he says, "she has my genes."

Oh! And he loved my hair :3

At the end of the period, I gave him a fist bump... (I wasn't expected a hug like last time, but I was still wishing for one) and he told me to keep him updated and if I needed help with anything like reccomendations, to just ask~

I miss him ugh.

And I also miss the ridiculousness of Franklin in general. Yesterday was "Ninja Day." And everyone was dressed in black. Others took it further and wore spandex outfits... some guy was in an all green spandex suit... I dunno how he brethed. And there were paper ninja stars all over the place.

Haha

Always,

Sugar, Were Going Down - Fall Out Boy

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:48:24 GMT

I feel accomplished again!

I made a detachable bow for the skirt I made a few days ago
and it looks 10x better!

And I convinced my sister to let me use some of her fabric
(and there's still more than enough left over)
and made this skirt with heart pockets!
and two bows for my hair

The heart pockets were a bitch.
But I'm really glad with the way it turned out~

and I wasn't an idiot this time.
I gave it enough POOF!

:3

Misery Business - Vitamin String Quartet